HEADLINES AND LAST ROUND OF SILLY LAWS

HEADLINES

CREMATORIUM PLANS PUT ON BACK BURNER

THIS BROTHEL IS STAFFED BY SEX DOLLS

GHOST FILMED PEDALING EXERCISE BIKE IN EMPTY GYM

COPS CAUGHT HAVING SEX IN CAR WHILE IGNORING ROBBERY CALL

MAN STANDS UNDER LOOSE SIGN FOR TWO DAYS, HOPING IT WILL FALL AND HIT HIM SO HE CAN SUE

TWO MOMS HAVE BABY WITH A STRANGE MAN

BILL PROHIBITS FEDERAL WORKERS FROM WATCHING PORN AT WORK

WASHINGTON D.C. COULD SINK SIX INCHES OVER THE NEXT CENTURY

EIGHTH-GRADERS ASKED TO WRITE ABOUT BOOZE, HERPES, AND ONE-NIGHT STANDS

MAYOR UNVEILS ERECTION TO CHEERING CROWD

MAN STABS FRIEND DURING THREESOME FOR REFUSING TO SWITCH

FIRST-TIME FLIER MISTAKES EMERGENCY EXIT FOR BATHROOM

HOMEOWNER SAYS 19 VEHICLES HAVE CRASHED INTO HIS HOUSE SINCE 1960

OHIO MAN ARRESTED AFTER SEX ACT WITH VAN

AT LEAST THREE INJURED AFTER OWNER TRIES TO PUT SWEATER ON PIT BULL

NASA SAYS THE END OF THE WORLD IS THIS MONTH

DETECTIVE LOSES PAJAMAS DURING CHASE

MAN DRESSED AS BEER BOTTLE WANTED FOR PIZZA THEFT

LAWS

IN PENNSYLVANIA, IT IS ILLEGAL FOR A MINISTER TO PERFORM MARRIAGE WHEN BRIDE OR GROOM IS DRUNK

ALSO IN PENNSYLVANIA, IT IS ILLEGAL TO CATCH A FISH WITH ANY BODY PART EXCEPT THE MOUTH

OKLAHOMA DOES NOT ALLOW TAKING A BITE OUT OF ANOTHER PERSON’S HAMBURGER

AND ALSO IN OKLAHOMA, IT IS ILLEGAL TO READ A COMIC BOOK WHILE DRIVING

AND AGAIN FROM OKLAHOMA, IT IS ILLEGAL TO WEAR YOUR BOOTS TO BED

IN MASSACHUSETTS, IT IS ILLEGAL FOR TAXI DRIVERS TO MAKE LOVE IN THE FRONT SEAT OF THEIR TAXIS DURING THEIR SHIFTS.

IN DETROIT, IT IS ILLEGAL FOR A MAN TO SCOWL AT HIS WIFE ON SUNDAY.

IN CALIFORNIA, IT IS ILLEGAL FOR ANIMALS TO MATE PUBLICLY WITHIN 1500 FEET OF A TAVERN OR SCHOOL.

IN CERRITOS, CALIFORNIA, ALL DOG WASTE MUST BE REMOVED FROM ANY YARD WITHIN SEVEN DAYS

IN CALIFORNIA, DETONATING A NUCLEAR DEVICE WITHIN ANY CITY LIMITS IS A $ 500 FINE

AND IN LONG BEACH, CALIFORNIA, IT IS ILLEGAL TO CURSE ON A MINI-GOLF COURSE

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

HEADLINES, AND LAWS OF DUBIOUS VALUE

HEADLINES

WOMAN CALLS COPS WHEN POT DEALER DOESN’T RETURN

STOP DONATING CHAIN SAWS AND HIGH HEELS TO DISASTER VICTIMS

MAN INTERVIEWING FOR JOB IMMEDIATELY REGRETS STEALING COMPANY PRESIDENT’S WALLET

RESEARCH SHOWS THAT RATS CAN’T TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN DUTCH AND JAPANESE WHEN PLAYED BACKWARD

HOW TO SURVIVE A GATOR ATTACK: ” FIGHT LIKE HELL”, WILDLIFE EXPERTS SAY

PENNSYLVANIA MAN GETS PROBATION IN VAMPIRE SEX GAME CASE

MAN ARRESTED FOR DRIVING WHILE SLEEPING CLAIMS HE WAS TIRED

CITY BIRDS ARE SMARTER THAN RURAL BIRDS

WOMAN BLOWS UP HOME SHE WAS TRYING TO FIX

EX-MINISTER BREAKS SILENCE, SAYS NOTHING

DARTH VADER ROBS NORTH CAROLINA BANK AT GUNPOINT

BANKER SAYS HE SAW THE AFTERLIFE TWICE

JUDGE SAYS MAN CAN EITHER GET MARRIED OR GO TO JAIL

WEDDING ENDS IN BRAWL AFTER BRIDE MARRIES GUEST INSTEAD OF GROOM

TRY THE BIZARRE OWL CAFE WHERE YOU GET UP CLOSE WITH A BIRD OF PREY

BUILDER IS VERY LUCKY AFTER FIRING NAIL INTO HIS CROTCH

TENANT FAILED TO GIVE NOTICE BEFORE DYING

STUDENT RELIEVED THAT MISSING PENIS LOCATED

SAND FOUND ON BEACH SHOCKER

POLICE WARN OF COWS ON THE RUN SELLING DAIRY PRODUCTS

IT’S THE LAW, SO OBEY

IN PENNSYLVANIA, IT IS ILLEGAL TO SING IN THE BATHTUB

IT IS ILLEGAL TO DRIVE WHILE ASLEEP IN TENNESSEE

IN FOUNTAIN INN, SOUTH CAROLINA, HORSES ARE TO WEAR PANTS AT ALL TIMES

IN RHODE ISLAND, ANY MARRIAGE WHERE EITHER PARTY IS AN IDIOT OR A LUNATIC IS NULL AND VOID

IN DANVILLE, PENNSYLVANIA, ALL FIRE HYDRANTS MUST BE CHECKED ONE HOUR BEFORE ALL FIRES

IN OKLAHOMA, DOGS MUST APPLY FOR A PERMIT AND HAVE IT SIGNED BY THE MAYOR IN ORDER TO CONGREGATE IN GROUPS OF THREE ON PRIVATE PROPERTY

IN DETROIT, IT IS ILLEGAL TO THROW AN OCTOPUS ONTO THE ICE AT A HOCKEY GAME

IN MARSHALLTOWN, IOWA, IT IS ILLEGAL FOR HORSES TO EAT FIRE HYDRANTS

IT IS ILLEGAL TO TAKE A LION TO THE MOVIES IN BALTIMORE

YOU MAY NOT TAKE A CRAP ON YOUR NEIGHBOR IN MASSACHUSETTS

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

HEADLINES, LAWS, AND PRONOUNCING ARKANSAS

HEADLINES

PLUMBER FIRED AFTER POSTING PICTURE OF FEMALE CLIENT’S SEX TOY

SEX DOLL SCARES AWAY THIEVES

MAN WHO TRIED TO HAVE SEX WITH MAILBOX FOUND DEAD

MAN SUFFERING FROM CONSTIPATION HAS 11-POUND STOOL REMOVED

WOMAN ARRESTED AFTER FIGHTING WITH HUSBAND WHO WOULDN’T STOP FARTING

WOMAN MISSING SINCE SHE GOT LOST

POLICE SUSPECT FOUL PLAY AFTER MAN REPORTS HIS WIFE HAS BEEN MISSING FOR TWO YEARS

WOMAN KNOCKED TO GROUND BY CATFISH THAT FELL FROM THE SKY

RUNAWAY COW DROPS FROM SKY, DAMAGES HOME

SHERIFF’S  DEPARTMENT ANNOUNCES THERE IS NO ZOMBIE OUTBREAK

SITTING ON WALLS LEADS TO POT SMOKING

POLICE SAY  BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR A HUGE STOLEN GORILLA WEARING SUNGLASSES

BURGLAR KNOCKS OVER PAINT CAN, LEAVES TRAIL OF FOOTPRINTS

BACON IS SPOKESMAN FOR EGG BOARD

STUDY SHOWS THAT TOO MANY CARS ON THE ROAD CAN CAUSE CONGESTION

TALKING MANATEE SAYS: ” EVERY LIFE IS PRECIOUS.”

SCIENTISTS GROW HUMAN ARMS AND LEGS ON TREES !

SLOW PROGRESS FOR ROTTING ESTATE VICTIMS

FAMILY IS SURPRISED TO FIND OUT LION CUBS SCRATCH, BITE, AND PEE

COURT SAYS BULLDOGS HAVE A RIGHT TO BE UGLY

LAW AND DISORDER

IN PENNSYLVANIA, IT IS ILLEGAL TO SLEEP ON TOP OF A REFRIGERATOR OUTDOORS

A TEXAS LAW REQUIRES CRIMINALS TO GIVE VICTIMS 24 HOURS NOTICE IN ADVANCE OF THE CRIME AND EXPLAIN THE NATURE OF THE CRIME TO BE COMMITTED

IT IS AGAINST THE LAW TO RUN OUT OF GAS IN YOUNGSTOWN, OHIO, AND YOU ALSO CANNOT RIDE ON THE ROOF OF A CAB IN YOUNGSTOWN.

IN OKLAHOMA, IT IS ILLEGAL FOR THE OWNER OF A BAR TO ALLOW ANYONE INSIDE TO PRETEND TO HAVE SEX WITH A BUFFALO.

THE INDIANA LEGISLATURE HAS DECLARED THE VALUE OF PI TO BE 3.4,  NOT 3.14

THE INDIANA LEGISLATURE HAS ALSO MADE IT ILLEGAL FOR A MAN TO BE SEXUALLY AROUSED IN PUBLIC

IN MINNESOTA, IT IS ILLEGAL TO SLEEP NAKED

IN GLENDALE, ARIZONA, IT IS ILLEGAL TO HAVE MORE THAN TWO DILDOS IN A HOUSE

IN LOS ANGELES, IT IS ILLEGAL FOR DOGS TO MATE WITHIN 500 FEET OF A CHURCH, BREAKING THE LAW IS PUNISHABLE BY A $ 500 FINE AND/OR SIX MONTHS IN PRISON

IT IS ILLEGAL TO MISPRONOUNCE ARKANSAS WHILE IN ARKANSAS

 

 

 

 

HEADLINES AND SILLY LAWS

HEADLINES

INVISIBLE MAN COMES OUT OF HIDING

CATS COMPLETELY TAKE OVER FISHING ISLAND

OHIO MAN ARRESTED AFTER CALLING 911 TO REPORT WIFE STOLE HIS COCAINE

MAN ARRESTED AFTER SNIFFING FEET IN FLORIDA LIBRARY

TWO SHOT AND INJURED DURING OLD WEST GUN FIGHT RE-ENACTMENT IN TOMBSTONE

TWO EXTINCT SNAKES SPOTTED OFF AUSTRALIA’S COAST

MAN SAYS JESUS TOLD HIM TO STEAL 7 MILLION DOLLARS

NY PIZZERIA CREATES EDIBLE PIZZA OUT OF PIZZA

FLORIDA MAN TURNS HIMSELF IN FOR MURDERING IMAGINARY FRIEND

WOMAN CAUGHT HAVING SEX WITH MODEL DINOSAUR AT PLAYGROUND

MAN ARRESTED FOR BLOCKING TRAFFIC DRESSED AS A TREE

HEADLINE – THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT IS OUT OF CONTROL

PLAYER FINED FOR USING OBSCURE LANGUAGE TO UMPIRE

DRUNKEN MAN DRIVES ONTO SET WHERE DUI PROMO WAS BEING FILMED

SILLY LAWS

IN STANFIELD, OREGON, IT IS ILLEGAL FOR ANIMALS TO HAVE SEX WITHIN CITY LIMITS

IN TEXAS IT IS ILLEGAL TO PUT A ” FOR SALE” SIGN ON A CAR IF IT IS VISIBLE FROM THE STREET

IN CANTON, OHIO, IF YOU LOSE YOUR PET TIGER, YOU MUST NOTIFY AUTHORITIES WITHIN ONE HOUR

IN OKLAHOMA YOU CAN BE PUT IN JAIL FOR WEARING NY JETS CLOTHING

IT IS ILLEGAL TO PLAY GOLF AT NIGHT IN HELENA, MONTANA

IN KIRKLAND,ILLINOIS, A ROOSTER MUST STEP BACK 300 FEET FROM ANY RESIDENCE IF IT WISHES TO CROW

IT IS ILLEGAL TO SHOWER NAKED IN FLORIDA

A FLORIDA LAW PROHIBITS WOMEN FROM PARACHUTING ON SUNDAYS

IN ARIZONA, A DONKEY CANNOT SLEEP IN A BATHTUB

AND FINALLY, IN SAN FRANCISCO, IT IS ILLEGAL FOR ELEPHANTS TO STROLL ON A STREET WITHOUT A LEASH

 

 

 

A SHORT MULE HISTORY STORY AND WHAT WOULD HE SAY TODAY ?

Maybe that should be a Mule Short History Story? Either way, here is the scintillating tale. Over 30 years ago when I was much younger and in graduate school and occasionally distracted by a blonde woman who lived in our building, Geneseo was hosting a three day history conference on the topic of Historiography in American History, the branch of history where you analyze methods, theories, and interpretations of history. A number of luminaries in the history profession were in attendance: the great Marxist historian Eugene D. Genovese; the flamboyant Jackson Era historian Edward Pessen; and the highly respected conservative historian Forrest McDonald from Alabama ( No relation to Forrest Gump from Alabama). McDonald’s specialty was analysis of ideological trends in American History from the Constitution to the present.

A number of other historians were also present and over the three days, gave presentations on their specialized topics. It was a quality learning experience as students were introduced to a range of viewpoints and perspectives on American history and hopefully got jarred from their biases of whatever political or ideological persuasion. That’s what history is supposed to do – smack one over the thick head and get them cogitating. It’s a messy discipline because history is a messy business.

Anyway, one certainly got jarred by McDonald’s presentation. As indicated, he earned his reputation for first-rate scholarship from the conservative view, and when he rose to speak, one expected an affirmation of some of the Reagan policies (it was a few years into Reagan’s presidency). Now I may be off by a few words here or there but this is the essence of his opening: ” First Richard Nixon, now Ronald Reagan! Jesus H. Christ, I can’t defend this shit any more.”

One wonders what McDonald would have to say today about the present state of affairs with Trump as president and the John Birch Society defendants pulling the power levers in Congress?

 

 

 

DARWIN AND EVOLUTION AND A LITTLE BIT OF A SHOCK

In 1858, a year before Charles Darwin published his earthshaking Origin of Species, he received a 20 page essay in the mail. Darwin had been assiduously doing his research from his trip on the Beagle and was compiling his information from that famous trip to South America. The essay Darwin received was ” On the Tendency of Varieties to Depart from the Original Type”  and it was written by Alfred Russel Wallace, who had been doing his research in the Malay archipelago; quite a distance from Darwin and independently.

Darwin read the essay and was particularly struck by Wallace’s inquiry into why some species survive while others perish. The answer was that ” on the whole, the best fitted survive.” Darwin was taken aback – that is what he had been saying. This also spurred him to get his own work into publication and later he and Wallace agreed to make presentations at the same time so they could share credit for their theory.

What a coincidence. Or was it? That is the way science works, independent verification of research and conclusions. Now it is true, as more advances were made in classification schemes and genetics, there has been significant modification of the original theory of evolution; nevertheless, these two scholars receive credit for their pioneering efforts. And of course ” theory” in science, doesn’t mean the same thing as its connotation elsewhere. It means tested and stands as the best evidence until it is refuted, so it is well-grounded in fact and subject to rigorous testing – Einstein’s theories, Darwin’s theory, etc. Right now, the preponderance of evidence indicates the the Theory of Evolution is accurate. If one of those naysayers can prove it wrong; get right to it and go collect a Nobel Prize.

HEADLINES AND ANOTHER BATCH OF LOONY LAWS

HEADLINES

TEACHER TELLS PARENTS ” THEY IS STUPID.”

75-YEAR-OLD WOMAN FLIES THROUGH TORNADO IN A BATHTUB

LANDLORD SENTENCED TO DIE FOR EATING TENANT

DUMPED FISH REMAINS UPSET

THIEF NABBED RETURNING FOR ASS

BISHOP CLAIMS TO MAKE PENISES LARGER BY MASSAGING THEM

FEDS PAY RESEARCHER TO HAVE BEES STING HIS PENIS

PASTOR CLAIMS TO CURE AIDS AND GENITAL WARTS WITH HIS HOLY SHOE

MAN FREES SELF FROM MAILBOX

MAN SAYS IT WAS A DEER SPEEDING AND NOT HIM

TAXES TAKE LONGER BECAUSE OF COMPLEX FORMS, STUDY SHOWS

ROBBERY GOES AWRY AFTER SUSPECT FINDS BANK CLOSED

STUDY SHOWS THAT TELEVISION VIEWERS ARE UNHAPPY

THREE YEAR STUDY SHOWS THAT HOMICIDE VICTIMS RARELY TALK TO POLICE

MAN INTERRUPTS BEAR SEX, PAYS THE PRICE

WOMAN SUES RESTAURANT AFTER FALLING OFF DONKEY STATUE

BRITISH MAN REMOVES EARS TO LOOK MORE LIKE PET PARROTS

BUY A DIAMOND, GET A SHOTGUN FREE

IDAHO FUGITIVE GETS CAUGHT AFTER POSTING HIS PLANS ON FACEBOOK

A GREAT DAY FOR KIDS: RULING RELEASES SEX OFFENDERS

LOONY LAWS

X-RAYS MAY NOT BE USED TO FIT SHOES IN THE STATE OF WASHINGTON

IT IS ILLEGAL TO KICK YOUR WIFE OUT OF BED IN LEBANON, VIRGINIA

YOU MAY NOT RIDE AN UGLY HORSE IN WILBUR, WASHINGTON

IT IS ILLEGAL TO KISS ON A TRAIN IN WISCONSIN

IN PORTLAND, OREGON PEOPLE MAY NOT WHISTLE UNDERWATER

IT IS ILLEGAL TO CAUSE A CATASTROPHE IN UTAH

IN PORTLAND, OREGON, YOU CANNOT WEAR ROLLER SKATES IN REST ROOMS

IN CLINTON, OKLAHOMA IT IS ILLEGAL TO MOLEST AN AUTOMOBILE

IN OHIO IT IS ILLEGAL TO INSTALL SLOT MACHINES IN OUTHOUSES

AND FINALLY, IN NEW JERSEY, IT IS ILLEGAL TO WEAR A BULLET-PROOF VEST WHILE COMMITTING MURDER